Just a quick update....
-I've decided to discontinue working at Hillcrest for now. My joints are acting up in this cold, wet weather, there are several fall projects here in Shoreline that need my attention and my car is becoming less and less reliable and there isn't really a bus that will take me anywhere close to this worksite.
-I want my car crushed into a cube and thrown off the face of the planet for all the stress and grief it has caused me over the years.
-Work has been going fairly well getting a proposal for new plants approved, but even with the approval, I'm bound my so many restrictions and unnecessary bureaucratic bullshit. It's very clear from this point on that I will never have the creative freedom of maintaining a quality, yet exciting perennial garden. It's simply my job to maintain it, do as they say, and I'll leave my legacy elsewhere.
--------------------------
Life isn't all bad....
-Attended a Perennial Symposium. Great talks, speakers, colleagues, and plant sales were successful.
-Had a recent get together with my brother and sister. Very rare do we all get together just for the hell of it. Good food, fun laughs, rekindled memories and delivery of more good news:
I've recently met someone very special... =)
Cheers,
R
Monday, November 12, 2007
Monday, October 8, 2007
Cool breeze and autumn leaves.....
...slow motion daylight."
As the weather cools, daylight shortens, and the fall garden chores seemingly endless, I can't help feel a void in my life right now. This time last year, there was someone in my life that meant the world to me. Almost every weekend, I knew I had someone to hold, someone to escape the stress and frustration of my daily life at the time, and, dare I say, someone to confide in and love.
I'm used to being alone and savoring my independence to accomplish things I set out to do, but having experienced that sort of intimate companionship, I cant' help, but feel a little lonely and secluded right now. In the outside, I'm busy, involved, and totally immersed in my work, but at the end of the day: I long to either come home to a place I can call my own or begin to wonder what it would have been like had it worked out and he actually loved me back. There's no use in wondering; I've begun to move on and move forward.
I think it really hit me when I gathered up the courage to call him on his birthday and left him a voicemail. Knowing that I could acknowledge everything he's done for me yet not feel like I wanted him back in my life was important. What was more significant was an email he had composed that stated that I had a positive influence in his life. The fact that I made a difference proved that I could ultimately make things work with the right man and that it wasn't entirely me that was the cause of our break-up.
-------------------------------------
I'm most thankful for my friends and colleagues in horticulture right now. Aside from knowing me through my work, most of them know me as me and are aware of what goes on in my life outside of plants. From the constant physical and emotional aches and pains and numerous complaints, they're there to remind me of who I am. If I can find a man that can acknowledge that and fit that semi-permeable mold I've set for myself, I think I'll be content....maybe... hehe
R
As the weather cools, daylight shortens, and the fall garden chores seemingly endless, I can't help feel a void in my life right now. This time last year, there was someone in my life that meant the world to me. Almost every weekend, I knew I had someone to hold, someone to escape the stress and frustration of my daily life at the time, and, dare I say, someone to confide in and love.
I'm used to being alone and savoring my independence to accomplish things I set out to do, but having experienced that sort of intimate companionship, I cant' help, but feel a little lonely and secluded right now. In the outside, I'm busy, involved, and totally immersed in my work, but at the end of the day: I long to either come home to a place I can call my own or begin to wonder what it would have been like had it worked out and he actually loved me back. There's no use in wondering; I've begun to move on and move forward.
I think it really hit me when I gathered up the courage to call him on his birthday and left him a voicemail. Knowing that I could acknowledge everything he's done for me yet not feel like I wanted him back in my life was important. What was more significant was an email he had composed that stated that I had a positive influence in his life. The fact that I made a difference proved that I could ultimately make things work with the right man and that it wasn't entirely me that was the cause of our break-up.
-------------------------------------
I'm most thankful for my friends and colleagues in horticulture right now. Aside from knowing me through my work, most of them know me as me and are aware of what goes on in my life outside of plants. From the constant physical and emotional aches and pains and numerous complaints, they're there to remind me of who I am. If I can find a man that can acknowledge that and fit that semi-permeable mold I've set for myself, I think I'll be content....maybe... hehe
R
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Tumultuous Tales & Disappointing Sales
What a busy last few days it's been! At least a major chunk of it is finally complete with the conclusion of the NHS Plant Sale, which was fun seeing friends and colleagues and scoring on some nice plants, but from a business standpoint, it was incredibly disappointing. With the 60/40% cut already hurting, I barely sold anything at a sale that not many attended.
It frustrates me that not more people garden and plant in the fall. It is THE BEST time to plant so many things with the weather cooling down in anticipation of fall precipitation. Plants are settled in before the cold of winter arrives and come spring, they are already established and ready to grow. Talking with other growers, they said that this sale has traditionally always been a little slow. It was my first fall sale with NHS, we'll see how things go in future years. I know that it was partly my fault in that I wasn't as organized as I would have liked and I could have been a little more assertive towards pontential customers, but I don't like to be pushy! Ah well, there'll be future sales.
Last Thursday, I gave a class/lecture on basic botany and fall plant physiology that was quite fun, but incredibly draining having to re-learn so much bio from my college textbook. My "class" was a group of adult volunteers who were training to give tours of Washington Part Arboretum. I totally bombed the physiology portion and parts of the talk were quite rough, but overall, it was still fun and the feedback afterwards was really encouraging. All in all, not too bad, just kind of intimidating and worried that all my science would not come back.
It frustrates me that not more people garden and plant in the fall. It is THE BEST time to plant so many things with the weather cooling down in anticipation of fall precipitation. Plants are settled in before the cold of winter arrives and come spring, they are already established and ready to grow. Talking with other growers, they said that this sale has traditionally always been a little slow. It was my first fall sale with NHS, we'll see how things go in future years. I know that it was partly my fault in that I wasn't as organized as I would have liked and I could have been a little more assertive towards pontential customers, but I don't like to be pushy! Ah well, there'll be future sales.
Last Thursday, I gave a class/lecture on basic botany and fall plant physiology that was quite fun, but incredibly draining having to re-learn so much bio from my college textbook. My "class" was a group of adult volunteers who were training to give tours of Washington Part Arboretum. I totally bombed the physiology portion and parts of the talk were quite rough, but overall, it was still fun and the feedback afterwards was really encouraging. All in all, not too bad, just kind of intimidating and worried that all my science would not come back.
I'm almost ready to give up on men. I don't know if I'm desperate or what, but whenever someone comes along and I just begin to think about the possibility of it turning into something more.....they stop chatting. It's not like I want to pursue a relationship right away, I guess it's just coming across that I'm needing a little more companionship and, dare I say, intimacy. And no, I'm not talking about sex.
It would be nice to go out tonight. I'm a bit worn out, but I could use a little jolt of some kind of excitement after somewhat of a dismal start to my weekend. I was hoping I would have at least a drink with some friends from the sale, but they all have other plans, I guess or am I just pathetic and not worth being around with...I don't really know anymore. lol
Cheers,
R
Monday, September 3, 2007
Politics and the The Delicate Thing He Made
I know it's been awhile.
The last few weeks have been all about getting as many hours in at CUH and Hillcrest to make up for the garden writing workshop I took part in and get myself out of the financial sewer I seem to always fall into no matter how cheap I am when it comes to basic daily necessities.
Aside from the stresses of work and my independent projects with RHR: gearing up for fall sales and a redesigning the garden, etc, things have been pretty good. I've had a few unpleasant events thrown at me, but I managed to work through them without feeling like it's the end of my world.
Recently I went down to Portland with my gardening bud, Kevin, and took in the Farwest Show. It's a horticultural industry trade show to get garden ideas and connect with various commercial growers. We also spent the night and hung out with some colleagues down in the area and hit up a well known nursery called Cistus Nursery.
During an intimate chat with my colleagues, politics became a topic of discussion as I brought up the subject of my experiences and progress as a potentially noted horticulturist in the Pacific Northwest. When travelling abroad, the world's view on American politics is understandable at this day in time, but their preception on Americans themselves is somewhat harsh, but in reality is quite true. I've always thought that I've escaped the label of "ignorant American" with my experiences abroad and overall "nice, polite, and open-minded" persona, but according to my colleague, by saying that "I try and avoid politics and not really that up to date on all the issues going on" DOES NOT make me open-minded and makes me like many Americans who don't even know what's going on in their own country and all the pitfalls it has taken to put them on the shitlist of many people around the world. I guess his main point was to know where you stand and make yourself known as someone who is more aware so you're better prepared when venturing out into the world.
I know I'm not ignorant, but I do realize where I'm lacking in many areas of society as I constantly steer away from disputes, conflicts and negative news favoring just living my life and working towards my own personal goals and objectives. So that chat really got to me...big time.....
-----------------------------------------------------
On a more light-hearted note, I'm slowly getting into Darren Hayes' new album "This Delicate Thing We Made". This album is like a new revelation for me and a realization of my musical tastes and what affects me emotionally. Darren's lyrics and music has always drawn me in and there's always an emotional involvement when I listen to it or have in on my iPod during a workout playing around in the studio and even having it in the car belting out lyrics I don't have quite memorized yet.
There's a sense of freedom and just wanting to be out there and expressing myself as I wear my heart on my sleeves when I listen to a lot of his songs in this album. The tracks are very diverse: a lot of electronic 80's influenced sounds, power ballads, and some stuff just totally out of this world and I can't quite get into, but it's compelling to me how he's tried to branch out yet has stayed true to himself as a person and artist.
Here are some favorites so far:
This was Darren's first release for this album.
Vocally very Darren with strong diction in his vocals and falsettos. Very electonic and, lyrically, I love the use of alliteration! It just keeps going and highly energetic. This track along with "How to Build A Time Machine" reminds me a lot about math/geometry class. "There are really 4 dimensions, three in which we call the three planes of space, and a forth...time."
I love the opening of this track and the mood that it sets and the crescendo into a falsetto.
"If I have understood correctly velocity equals the distance traveled divided by time...". The song throughout is clever, has a innocence to it and it's really growing onto me. This was one of the tracks that impressed me when he sang it live.
I love the drums the and cellos throughout the track. Vocally, very lovely and heartfelt.
I actually like the remix of this song and can't wait to bust out to it at the clubs.
One track that really captivated me with it's phrasing and melody. I pictured myself skating to this track and just flying across the ice.
I feel like I can reach out to people with a track like this. When you hear it, it kind of reminds me of "Queer As Folk" and a benefit concert to support GBLT where I'd be on stage singing this track.
Sounds almost like a Christian rock song with a strong message. I still like it. hehe
VERY 80's. Makes me thing of that song "Amadeus"! I think he did perform this song in concert and sang the chorus of that song. Very catchy track!
ok.....this is gonna go on for awhile because it's a two disk set, but I have to point out a track that almost had me in tears. Almost anything acoustic really gets to me. This song is beautiful.
Bye for now,
R
The last few weeks have been all about getting as many hours in at CUH and Hillcrest to make up for the garden writing workshop I took part in and get myself out of the financial sewer I seem to always fall into no matter how cheap I am when it comes to basic daily necessities.
Aside from the stresses of work and my independent projects with RHR: gearing up for fall sales and a redesigning the garden, etc, things have been pretty good. I've had a few unpleasant events thrown at me, but I managed to work through them without feeling like it's the end of my world.
Recently I went down to Portland with my gardening bud, Kevin, and took in the Farwest Show. It's a horticultural industry trade show to get garden ideas and connect with various commercial growers. We also spent the night and hung out with some colleagues down in the area and hit up a well known nursery called Cistus Nursery.
During an intimate chat with my colleagues, politics became a topic of discussion as I brought up the subject of my experiences and progress as a potentially noted horticulturist in the Pacific Northwest. When travelling abroad, the world's view on American politics is understandable at this day in time, but their preception on Americans themselves is somewhat harsh, but in reality is quite true. I've always thought that I've escaped the label of "ignorant American" with my experiences abroad and overall "nice, polite, and open-minded" persona, but according to my colleague, by saying that "I try and avoid politics and not really that up to date on all the issues going on" DOES NOT make me open-minded and makes me like many Americans who don't even know what's going on in their own country and all the pitfalls it has taken to put them on the shitlist of many people around the world. I guess his main point was to know where you stand and make yourself known as someone who is more aware so you're better prepared when venturing out into the world.
I know I'm not ignorant, but I do realize where I'm lacking in many areas of society as I constantly steer away from disputes, conflicts and negative news favoring just living my life and working towards my own personal goals and objectives. So that chat really got to me...big time.....
-----------------------------------------------------
On a more light-hearted note, I'm slowly getting into Darren Hayes' new album "This Delicate Thing We Made". This album is like a new revelation for me and a realization of my musical tastes and what affects me emotionally. Darren's lyrics and music has always drawn me in and there's always an emotional involvement when I listen to it or have in on my iPod during a workout playing around in the studio and even having it in the car belting out lyrics I don't have quite memorized yet.
There's a sense of freedom and just wanting to be out there and expressing myself as I wear my heart on my sleeves when I listen to a lot of his songs in this album. The tracks are very diverse: a lot of electronic 80's influenced sounds, power ballads, and some stuff just totally out of this world and I can't quite get into, but it's compelling to me how he's tried to branch out yet has stayed true to himself as a person and artist.
Here are some favorites so far:
| "Who Would Have Thought" |  | Listen |
| "Waking the Monster" | | Listen |
| "How To Build a Time Machine" | | Listen |
"If I have understood correctly velocity equals the distance traveled divided by time...". The song throughout is clever, has a innocence to it and it's really growing onto me. This was one of the tracks that impressed me when he sang it live.
| "Casey" | | Listen |
| "Step Into the Light" | | Listen |
| "Sing To Me" | | Listen |
| "Listen All You People" | | Listen |
| "The Great Big Disconnect" | | Listen |
| "The Future Holds a Lion's Heart" | | Listen |
ok.....this is gonna go on for awhile because it's a two disk set, but I have to point out a track that almost had me in tears. Almost anything acoustic really gets to me. This song is beautiful.
| "Words" | | Listen |
Bye for now,
R
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Always a lot to think about!
Time is just whizzing by, isn't it? Well, at least for me, it is!
I took a "day off" today to catch up on some of my own work here at home. I've got labels to make, plants to check up on to see if they're surviving my neglect, a website to update, people to write/email, and all sorts of random errands here at his barely livable dwelling in the suburbs of Shoreline.
These days, I've been trying to tell myself, "YOU CAN'T DO IT ALL!" or "YOU CAN'T DO IT ALL RIGHT NOW". I've been battling what it is I WANT and what it is I NEED. In either case, there's still too many on each category!
I guess I can focus on the things that are going well. Healthwise, I'm doing alright besides the lack of sleep and my neverending ambition to loose my love-handles.Work has been pretty straight forward, but I have to remind myself that I'm only committed to 4 hours on each work site and I have to refrain from taking on any more work no matter how relevant it is for my own work and business. It's very easy to blur the two since they're so interconnected.
Then, I've been asking myself, "Why are you doing something for so little?" I ask myself this a lot and I know deep inside that I love what I do and I'm having a positive impact on people, but is a love for what you do enough to live the life you want?
I guess that's the ultimate goal in my life....it's not being world famous, it's not about finding "the one", it's not about conquering the world....
...It's all about doing what I love while living the kind of life I want to live.
That said, it's still a lot to think about.
R
I took a "day off" today to catch up on some of my own work here at home. I've got labels to make, plants to check up on to see if they're surviving my neglect, a website to update, people to write/email, and all sorts of random errands here at his barely livable dwelling in the suburbs of Shoreline.
These days, I've been trying to tell myself, "YOU CAN'T DO IT ALL!" or "YOU CAN'T DO IT ALL RIGHT NOW". I've been battling what it is I WANT and what it is I NEED. In either case, there's still too many on each category!
I guess I can focus on the things that are going well. Healthwise, I'm doing alright besides the lack of sleep and my neverending ambition to loose my love-handles.Work has been pretty straight forward, but I have to remind myself that I'm only committed to 4 hours on each work site and I have to refrain from taking on any more work no matter how relevant it is for my own work and business. It's very easy to blur the two since they're so interconnected.
Then, I've been asking myself, "Why are you doing something for so little?" I ask myself this a lot and I know deep inside that I love what I do and I'm having a positive impact on people, but is a love for what you do enough to live the life you want?
I guess that's the ultimate goal in my life....it's not being world famous, it's not about finding "the one", it's not about conquering the world....
...It's all about doing what I love while living the kind of life I want to live.
That said, it's still a lot to think about.
R
Sunday, July 22, 2007
A dumb questionaire sent to me...
Only answer True or False
Q: Kissed someone on your top friends on MySpace-->false
Q: Been arrested?--> false
Q: Kissed someone you didn't like?-->true
Q: You like someone?--> true
Q: Held a snake?--> true
Q: Kissed in the rain?--> true
Q: Sang in the shower?--> true
Q Sat on a roof top?--> true
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?--> false
Q: Broken a bone?--> true
Q: Shaved your head?--> false
Q: Played a prank on someone?--> false
Q: Had/have a gym membership?--> true
Q: Made a girlfriend/boyfriend cry?--> false
Q: Shot a gun?--> false
Q: Donated Blood?--> false
Q: Had your heart broken?--> true
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
just be 100% truthful
LAST PERSON.
1. You hung out with?---> Kevin
2. Last person that texted you?-->Gretchen
3. You were in a car with?--> Kevin
4. Went to the movies with?-->Michelle, Karina and Molly
5. Went to the mall with?--> Joyce
6. You talked to on the phone?--> Kevin
7. Made you laugh? --> Kevin
8. You hugged?--> Kevin
Don't get any ideas! We're just friends and we hung out yesterday!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WOULD YOU RATHER...
1. Eat or drink? --> EAT!
2. Be serious or be funny?--> somewhere in between
3. Drink whole or skim milk?--> skim
4. Die in a fire or get shot?--> WTF!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...
1. Sun or moon?--> Moon
2. Winter or Fall?--> Fall
3. Left or right?--> Right
4. Sunny or rainy?--> Sunny
5. Black/white or color?--> Color
6. Where do you live?--> Shoreline
7. What's your favorite color?---> Blue
8. Do you want to get married?--> I don't know anymore
9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?---> Twirl it
10. Do You Cook?--> Yes
11. Current mood?--> Scrambled
IN THE LAST 72 HOURS HAVE YOU...
1. Kissed someone?--> Yes
2. Sang?--> Yes
3. Been hugged?--> Yes
4. Felt stupid? --> When do I not feel stupid?
5. been in love with someone?--> Yes
Q: Kissed someone on your top friends on MySpace-->false
Q: Been arrested?--> false
Q: Kissed someone you didn't like?-->true
Q: You like someone?--> true
Q: Held a snake?--> true
Q: Kissed in the rain?--> true
Q: Sang in the shower?--> true
Q Sat on a roof top?--> true
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?--> false
Q: Broken a bone?--> true
Q: Shaved your head?--> false
Q: Played a prank on someone?--> false
Q: Had/have a gym membership?--> true
Q: Made a girlfriend/boyfriend cry?--> false
Q: Shot a gun?--> false
Q: Donated Blood?--> false
Q: Had your heart broken?--> true
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
just be 100% truthful
LAST PERSON.
1. You hung out with?---> Kevin
2. Last person that texted you?-->Gretchen
3. You were in a car with?--> Kevin
4. Went to the movies with?-->Michelle, Karina and Molly
5. Went to the mall with?--> Joyce
6. You talked to on the phone?--> Kevin
7. Made you laugh? --> Kevin
8. You hugged?--> Kevin
Don't get any ideas! We're just friends and we hung out yesterday!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WOULD YOU RATHER...
1. Eat or drink? --> EAT!
2. Be serious or be funny?--> somewhere in between
3. Drink whole or skim milk?--> skim
4. Die in a fire or get shot?--> WTF!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...
1. Sun or moon?--> Moon
2. Winter or Fall?--> Fall
3. Left or right?--> Right
4. Sunny or rainy?--> Sunny
5. Black/white or color?--> Color
6. Where do you live?--> Shoreline
7. What's your favorite color?---> Blue
8. Do you want to get married?--> I don't know anymore
9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?---> Twirl it
10. Do You Cook?--> Yes
11. Current mood?--> Scrambled
IN THE LAST 72 HOURS HAVE YOU...
1. Kissed someone?--> Yes
2. Sang?--> Yes
3. Been hugged?--> Yes
4. Felt stupid? --> When do I not feel stupid?
5. been in love with someone?--> Yes
Friday, July 13, 2007
A change of pace
It's been seven hours and fifteen days........
actually, according to my last entry...it's been seven hundred and twenty hours and thirteen days.....since I took my love away.....
...and wrote in my personal journal.
bye for now.
R
actually, according to my last entry...it's been seven hundred and twenty hours and thirteen days.....since I took my love away.....
...and wrote in my personal journal.
bye for now.
R
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